Day Thirteen Trying to Be Optimistic

 Day Thirteen Trying to Be Optimistic 

The usual morning wake up routine had started I look at my phone and see if I missed anything from the hospital, Ivy or Ricardo. I automatically ask my sister how is Moma? The morning update I got today was Moma didn’t have a great night and they were concerned about the tube placement. The also still had her on a high amount of oxygen. Unfortunately, I feel like this could be blood clot related in the lungs. I was at work this morning and was on the phone with a potential new hire nurse practitioner and Frye calls, automatically tore the hell up because I cant answer, I was so close to hanging up on her and saying we lost connection. Instead, I rushed into the conversation and then called Frye back. The whole call process takes forever! Halfway into the call I get an incoming call from Frye I'm like oh shit she's dead, horrible thought but that’s all I could think. FORTUNATELY, that was not the case, it was her nurse Lauren asking for verbal consent to put in a new cental line since they thought the current one was infected. I told her oh thank god that’s all you wanted I thought it was bad news, and I was super apologetic I didn’t answer the first time she said she figured she would try to call me back because she knows I answer the phone quickly usually. Lord mini panic attack. I feel like my life has been consumed with worrying about Moma and everything else that I haven't been able to really do anything else but stress. How do people do this for such long periods and keep living life? I do feel better than I did yesterday. I feel like she can make it. I did get tore up last night because Ivy had said something about, she would probably get a tracheotomy soon. Oh my God Moma would have a shit fit BUT that isn't a death sentence and it's not permanent. So, after work I headed to the hospital and was eager to lay eyes on Moma and see if she was any better. Right when I got there, they were fixing to turn her, at this point I don’t care just let me in I want to help. I'm sure they're not use to that, but they will. So I go back to sit in the lobby, that was a treat with the raging family in the lobby. Thankfully there was a seat outside the lobby so I didn't have to make eye contact with them or be near them. The family was tore up about what they would do differently if they were in charge and all I could think was oh hell here we go. I tried to ignore them as much as possible but there was like nine of them and they were loud, unmasked so was hard to. I waited about 25 minutes and go back I pick up the phone and I be damned if the girl said oh they just went in to place a central line. So back to the damn waiting room I go. About 15 minutes lates I see two girls with an ultrasound and a cart getting on the elevator and though surely I can go now. So back to the phone and she lets me in. Praise the lord there is Lauren. First thing I usually say when I see her is thank God you are here. She gives me a little run down on Moma talked about pulling the central line out and she will find out if they needed to culture it. Some how the conversation came up I was saying thank yall for getting me out that damn lobby, that family wouldn’t shut the hell up about what all they would do differently and Yata, Yata, Yata. Lauren was shocked she said no they're not, I was like yea boo no mask or nothing. She said I asked them to leave. I was like they set up shop in the lobby. So I go see Moma she is about the same as she had been the last few days. I'm looking over her and on band aide duty since Ivy hadn't been yet. They're notorious for leaving any kind of bandage on someone forever. While typing this I realize I type in current and past tense interchangeably and I apologize. So I'm hanging out with Moma. Lauren comes in because they were going to change out all her tubing and meds in hopes to decrease any infection. We start talking more and she opens up. Ended up finding out her siblings don’t get along, she was raised with money on the lake but her current husband didn’t. She was with a man before and she tried to fix him but it didn’t work out. She is 31 and had been a nurse for over ten years. We talked about all sorts of stuff how Moma was always doing stuff for others, how I grew up, how we were involved with the homeless shelter, how we both had grew up on a farm. We also talked about how she was leaving and going to do travel nursing. I was tore up. She will be going to Rowan hospital. I was like fun fact Moma ran their labor and delivery department for a long time. She talked about how she appreciated the little sticky notes that Ivy and I had placed on the window, she said little stuff like that means a lot to the staff. This makes me happy, it may be miniscule but its enough to make a good impact. Hopefully, little things like this will make them invested in Moma even more.