Day Eleven Standstill

Trying to remain positive after several good days in a row we are at a standstill. Its ok we didn’t fall back too much, and we have come a good way so far. All of it sucks because I just want her to come home and everything be normal. I don’t enjoy this feeling or the constant worry. I have a small panic attack when my phone rings worried about who may be calling or if its bad news from the hospital. Ivy asked that they cut back on the sedation, the nurse didn’t sound optimistic but said she would try. Moma didn’t tolerate the change in sedation. They had to bump up her FIO2. Its ok we aren't at a 100% and she is still on the weaning or “work out” mode for the lungs. The nurse called me to update me, this made me feel good like I was included, I understand Ricardo and Ivy know more medical stuff, but I do like being a part of her care and I do understand most of it. I was telling the nurse that I felt like maybe she should remain on the same sedation as they work her lungs a little more and not try to do too much at once. The nurse agreed with me and was reassuring. I've been at Hickory today and not really being extra productive just blah, how do you get out of a funk and try to be positive? The show must go on for everyone else and I have to adapt and act like nothing is wrong.

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Day Fourteen Saturday Wiping tears with a paper towel

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The Advocate Intro

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Day Six Don't Feel Like An Advocate Today

Day Six Hospital/Work Today was the day I broke. Today was the day I felt hopeless. Today is the day I was so unsure. Today was the day I just was not able to be positive. I woke up around 7 am and automatically asked my sister for an update. My sister got on the phone because it was just now shift change and she had not talked with the day shift nurse. My sister text me back and said she was pissed, lord why don’t say that.. Why? The nurse put her on hold and then asked for a pass code. Well we didn’t have pass code established because none of us had been asked for one prior or to set one up upon arrival. I had remembered the second day giving the day shift nurse my number, Ivys number an Ricardos number an asking her to put it in the chart. The nurse said oh I already have his number he i s a good doctor. But none of us had been asked for the pass code. So I'm already painting a picture its either a new grad or she's dead or this nurse is going to be H...

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