Day Eleven Standstill

Trying to remain positive after several good days in a row we are at a standstill. Its ok we didn’t fall back too much, and we have come a good way so far. All of it sucks because I just want her to come home and everything be normal. I don’t enjoy this feeling or the constant worry. I have a small panic attack when my phone rings worried about who may be calling or if its bad news from the hospital. Ivy asked that they cut back on the sedation, the nurse didn’t sound optimistic but said she would try. Moma didn’t tolerate the change in sedation. They had to bump up her FIO2. Its ok we aren't at a 100% and she is still on the weaning or “work out” mode for the lungs. The nurse called me to update me, this made me feel good like I was included, I understand Ricardo and Ivy know more medical stuff, but I do like being a part of her care and I do understand most of it. I was telling the nurse that I felt like maybe she should remain on the same sedation as they work her lungs a little more and not try to do too much at once. The nurse agreed with me and was reassuring. I've been at Hickory today and not really being extra productive just blah, how do you get out of a funk and try to be positive? The show must go on for everyone else and I have to adapt and act like nothing is wrong.

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